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Smurfs: Rescue in Gargamel's Castle

Atari 2600

Coleco 1982





I really shouldn't review this game. Not becasue I have a review of the Colecovision version already, but mainly becasue I haven't gotten past the second screen.

The game starts and everything looks good. Your smurf looks great (for the 2600) and animates incredibly smoothly. I erranously thought this game might actually be enjoyable.

As I entered the second screen there on the right I found my first obstacle, a little white fence. Little did I know that this was the dreaded killer white fence of destruction.

Let me tell all you guys something, very few people know about this. There's a chapter of the bible that has been hidden by the Catholic Church. It was hidden by the council of Nicea in 450 A.D. The reason it was hidden wasn't becasue it contradicted with any established dogma, but that it told the exact way in which the world was going to end. This was the book of the Fence, in which the white fence of destruction was created by Satan himself to come down to Earth and destroy mankind once and for all. And the year this was supposed to happen? 1982.

But then something else happened. The people at Coleco got word of the Devil's plot, and using thier holy asskicking programming powers of the lord managed to capture the white fence of destruction with the digitizing ray gun from Tron and trap it in this game cartridge. Thus while including the white fence of doom made thier Smurfs game suck ass, I guess saving mankind makes it worth it. This is all 100% true, but the church doesn't want to admit it. They actually hired some goons and killed everyone at Coleco to keep this secret safe. That's why Coleco went out of business, they were all dead.

So, that's why I tried 27 times to jump over this fence and failed. Becasue you can't get past the fence. The fence is angry that it got trapped in a Smurfs game on the 2600, and to exact it's revenge on mankind it systematically kills every Smurf who gets even close to it. The fence is in it's own personal hell, filled with hate and rage, never knowing the satisfaction of completeing it's purpose. We should all do it a favor and never play this game again, ever. That is the only way the fence can truley be defeated. That is the only way we can truley make the world safe for mankind.

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